aprilsopinions

OrlandJune 14, 2016

With all that has happened, with all that is still happening, I felt that I might as well put my two cents in on this disgusting, horrifying tragedy.

Let me start by stating this:  I 100% believe this was a hate crime.  This wasn’t a radical Muslim attack against the “evil” Americans.  This was a homophobe who attacked a building full of LGBTQ Americans.  Now, with that being said, I must say...I don't get it.  I can't fathom hating one person, let alone an entire group of people, so much.  What must one’s life be like to have so much hate inside?  And for what?  Because they are the same sex?  BIG FUCKING DEAL.

I could go on and on about how ignorant it is to have an issue with gay people.  We have all heard and read it before.  My thought is this:  How does someone’s sex life have any impact on another person?  Seriously.  If Bob and Frank want to have the kinkiest sex imaginable, then good for Bob and Frank.  What they do doesn't impact me AT ALL.  And gay marriage?  BIG FUCKING DEAL.  It is a legal issue.  Enough said.  If your marriage is so holy, then I assume you got married in a church and had it all blessed and stuff by some holy man.  Yay you.  If Mandy and Jennifer want to get married, they go to the courthouse and get a LEGAL document stating that they are married.  And if their church wants to marry them, and you have a problem with that, then find another church.  There.  Done.  Argument made.  Next witness.

As far as the Muslim issue goes...ALL ORGANIZED RELIGIONS ARE FUCKED UP.  In one way or another, they are the cause of the majority of hatred and fighting in this world.  A girl I grew up with recently converted to Islam.  And she has taught me so much about this religion, and it is full of so much love.  I was honestly surprised.  At any rate, a radical Muslim is no different than those dickweeds at the Westboro Baptist Church.  They are both taking their holy book, and twisting the words into hate speech.  But you don't see Trump running his mouth about ALL Christians.  Ugh.  So damn ignorant.  

Humanity does not lack any kind of problems.  Poverty, unaffordable health care, skyrocketing college tuition rates, pollution, rape, murder, bullying, unemployment...the list is endless.  With all of these issues going on here in America, and around the globe, why do people want to hate other people for something as beautiful and peaceful as LOVE?  Shouldn't they be fighting child pornography?  What about sex trafficking?  Can't they use their time to raise money for homeless veterans?  

One last thing.  If I see another Republican requesting a moment of silence, or tweeting their “thoughts and prayers”, I may stab someone with a spork.  Neither of these things are helpful, and all these politicians are attempting to do is make themselves look like they truly care about the LGBTQ community.  When in fact, dozens and dozens of these same politicians voted against various gay rights laws. What's worse is the fact that they also voted against various gun laws only because the NRA “donated” thousands and thousands of dollars to their campaigns.  If you are on twitter, check out @igorvolsky and @WillMcAvoyACN .  They each spent a large portion of Sunday retweeting various Senators’ and Congresspeoples’ tweets, but also including how much “donation” money they received from the NRA.  Fucking brilliant.  Seriously, go check them out.  

More than anything else, do research, find out how your government representatives have voted on gun issues, on gay right issues, and find out how much money they have received from different lobbyists.  Then vote accordingly.  


#LoveConquersHate  XOXOXO

When To Say When June 17, 2016


As someone who has experienced first hand what it is like to date a chronic liar and cheater, I feel that I can write on the subject.  While playing on the interwebs today, I came across a few examples of women who just don't know WHEN TO SAY WHEN.  Like, how much are these chics willing to take?

Me?  I continued going back after years of cheating and bullshit.  I see what a mess I was.  Up until a couple of weeks ago, I thought I could be friends with this man.  Sadly, we can't even do that.  He is incapable of friendship.  But again, I digress.  But there are things I didnt and wouldnt tolerate…

I have never went to a man’s home, and had another woman leaving as I was arriving.  A man never had his mouth on another woman, and then on my body 10 minutes later.  A man has never called me a c*nt to my face and I continued to see him.  A man has never told me to go out and sleep with someone else, and I continued to see him.  I have never spoken to the “other woman” and continued to believe that a man has loved me.  I have seen a guy send a chic a video/pics of himself with another woman, and she still went back to him.  How about a man who has been proven over and over and over again that he doesn't like or even respect a chic, but the chic still dates this guy?  If a man has told her and shown her during the ENTIRE time they have known each other, that he ONLY wants her for the sex, then WHY IS SHE STILL THERE?

I freely admit that I was a pathetic excuse for a strong independent female.  I was an embarrassment to the entire female gender.  But holy fuckballs, there are some things that a woman should NEVER tolerate.  Why do they?  Do they feel like they aren't worthy of anything better?  Do they feel like they CAN'T get anyone better?  Do they think it's sexy to have a “bad boy”?  Do they think that they can change him into a good man?  I just don't get it.  These are women I want to grab and shake sense into.  

That is all.  I just see this ALL THE TIME.  Young, old, rich, poor, educated or white trash.  Every single type of female you can imagine allows men to treat them as less than.  As a THING.  As someTHING that is only there to please him.  I survived.  I learned my value.  Some women have yet to see theirs.  And it breaks my heart.  


IndependentWoman

July 3, 2016


Yesterday I replaced my garbage disposal.  By myself.  It took two trips to Lowes, a couple of hours, and I only had to step away once due to stress.  There were no tears, minimal cussing, and no blood was lost.  This, my friends, is one helluva way to celebrate Independence Day.

My ex husband and I bought this house 16 years ago.  Actually, it will be 16 years at the end of this month.  He and I lived here together for 8 ½ years until we divorced.  That means for the last 7+ years, I have been responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of this home.  And let me tell you, it has declined significantly.  There is literally no landscaping left.  No hostas, no daylilies, no tulips.  Even the lawn itself is being overrun by weeds; although I am working on defeating those.  I don't mow the lawn, I pay someone to do that.  I don't clean the gutters or trim shrubs.  I pay someone for any and all of these tasks.  

As far as inside jobs go, I can handle the smaller of them.  I have removed the J shaped pipe from my kitchen sink and cleared clogs.  I have repaired the floater thingie from a toilet.  Bigger tasks have been hired out for professionals:  My a/c unit has had issues.  I had a pipe INSIDE a wall burst.  My shower tile has been replaced.  BUT, I have watched every single step of every single repair that has been made.  And made mental notes for future repairs.  

I have said repeatedly, “I NEED A MAN” for this repair or that.  Or for this task or that.  But this one was different.  I was legitimately terrified of this one.  It involved plumbing AND electricity.  Hiring a professional plumber was out of the question.  Those guys charge HUNDREDS of dollars, and momma didn't have that kind of money.  I looked at the situation, figured out exactly what needed to be done, and exhaled.  Then, I took a deep breath.  I inhaled strength, courage, and an attitude I hadn't felt in years.  I CAN DO THIS, I thought.  No, I REALIZED.  

Google and youtube are a single woman’s best friend.  I spent a couple of hours watching various how-to videos and got to work.  I won't tell you step by step how I completed the task of removing the old disposal and then installing the new one.  But holy fuckballs, it was...liberating.  I screamed afterwards.  Multiple times.  I can't recall the last time I felt that immense amount of pleasure, pride, strength, and pure joy.  I did it.  ME.  I played with electrical wires.  I put white wires to white wires and screwed some plastic cap onto them.  I repeated with the black wires.  ME.  I did that.  I used a hacksaw to cut a piece of PVC pipe to the correct length.  I DID THAT.  

Let me stop here and admit something.  My daughter’s boyfriend assisted me with heavy lifting.  While I did remove the old unit on my own, the new one weighed a lot more and I didn't have the arm strength to hold it up and screw it on the mounting bracket.  So Nick did that.  He screwed a couple of screws in for me.  The one time I was going to lose my shit, he told me to step away and he screwed in another screw for me.  He is the bestest teenage boy that has ever lived and if my spawn doesn't marry him I will be heartbroken.  Otherwise, this entire job was completed by little ol me.

There were leaks a few times, but I figured out that a gasket was in the wrong place, and after a few times of screwing and unscrewing various parts, the leak stopped.  I didn't even have to redo any of the wiring.  I got that shit right on the first try!  After feeling confident that the house wasn't going to burn down, the pipes weren't going to burst, and that I had actually completed this job on my own, I screamed.  And inside, I wept.  

The last several years I have been alone.  Financially and responsibility wise anyway.  And I have felt confident in these aspects.  Or so I thought.  Deep down there was always a doubt.  In the hidden part of my brain that I don't visit too often.  A fear that something was going to break that I couldn't fix or afford to pay someone to fix.   Being a single female comes with a varying degree of fears.  Who will open this pickle jar?  Who will do the heavy lifting?  Who will protect me from an intruder?  Who will fix the water pump on my car?  Etc etc.  And honestly, there is still some of that fear lingering.   

But after this one task, this small relatively simple task, I have gained confidence that I didn't know I had.  I can do this.  “This” meaning being a single woman.  Meaning I can repair things.  I can fix stuff.  Just because I am a chic doesn't mean I don't have the capability to do certain things that a man can do.  All it took was a situation where I didn't have a choice.  There is a meme somewhere regarding this...

“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have”


Damn skippy.  

 



Bragging Rights (and how I earned them)
  June 19, 2016

My spawn is out of town for a weekend trip with her BFF.  They picked a town they hadn't been to before, got in the car, and left.  These two have been to several states together since they were teenagers.  Am I concerned at all?  Not really; I have the bestest child on the planet, and I trust that she will make wise choices.

Anyone who knows me at all will tell you (sarcastically) that my child is perfect.  Frankly, she ALMOST is.  There are always improvements...Do I wish she shook people's’ hands when meeting them?  Yes.  Nothing bugs me more than not getting a handshake when meeting someone.  Do I wish that she treated her boyfriend just a tad bit nicer?  Of course.  But, she is 20 and hasn’t learned all the intricacies of a relationship yet. However, when it comes to being an average 20 year old midwestern female, she is amazeballs.  And that is because I raised her with no rules.  

Don't get me wrong; I believe some of her awesomeness is genetic.  She pretty much potty trained herself at the age of two.  She never had a meltdown or threw a tantrum.  By the age of four, she was doing simple math, knew the alphabet, and could write letters and numbers.  But it is her teenage years that I want to tell you about.

I never had cause to ground my daughter. She never broke any rules.  Why?  Because there were no rules to break.  My spawn never had a curfew.  She could come and go as she pleased.  That is not to say that I didn't always know where she was...I DID.  But she never had to ask permission.  If she wanted to go somewhere, she told me where and she left.  I let my spawn drink alcohol when she was in high school.  I told her that whenever she wanted to have sex, to just let me know and we will get her condoms and birth control pills.  

***Before you get all shocked and disgusted, let me tell you something.  I have been talking openly with my child about sex, drugs, booze, parties, etc, since she was in grade school.  I never sugar coated anything and I was always honest.  I taught her that one day, she would be at a party and would either be too fucked up to leave, or would be uncomfortable and want to leave.  Either way, she could call me, we had a code word, and I would pick her up around the corner, so as not to embarrass her in front of her friends.  I was REALISTIC with myself and with her.  She knew that she didn't have to fear telling me anything, because I had lived it.  My spawn was fully educated and knowledgeable about anything and everything that a teen would ever face.  Sex, peer pressure, drugs, bullying, booze, date rape, etc etc.***

My thought process is that the more something is “bad” or “forbidden”, the more it is desired.  Tell a 17 year old girl that she can't date the bad boy, and she will want him even more.  Tell someone not to eat the pie cooling on the stove, and that pie becomes the most desireable food on the planet.  For you bible people...think Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit.  See where I’m going here?  If I gave my daughter permission to do whatever she wanted, then it didn't seem as thrilling or as “cool” anymore.  While her friends were sneaking out of windows to go to a party, my spawn was throwing the party.  She didn't understand the concept of sneaking, or lying.  Therefore, it was never something she wanted to do.  She didn't HAVE to do it.  

However, she did have responsibilities.  I pushed her to earn good grades, and was she was scolded on the rare occasions she brought home a “C” on a report card.  She was required to have extra curricular activities, and college wasn't an option---it was a REQUIREMENT.  If she wanted a car, then dammit, she better get a job and pay for the upkeep of that car.  Since the age of 16, my daughter has been required to pay for her own car insurance, car license plates, and car maintenance.  If she wanted to wear contact lenses instead of her glasses, then she would have to pay for them.  That shit is vanity, not a medical requirement.  If she wanted to attend a concert, she saved her own money.  I handed her nothing that wasn't necessary.  

What were the results of all of this freedom?  My daughter, Emmy, completed college level courses while in high school.  She was a class officer all four years of high school.  She was a member of the National Honor Society,  She earned an academic scholarship that covered HALF of her tuition to college.  She volunteered, she worked, she was on the Honor Roll every single grading period.  She will soon be entering her junior year at a private university.  She works damn near full time, while attending classes full time.  She still earns A’s and B’s in all of her classes.  She is respectful, honest, intelligent, empathetic, hard working, non-judgemental.  She has goals and knows what needs to be done to achieve them.  She donates her own money to different charities.  She is an all-around kick ass human being.

I seriously wonder if she would have turned out this amazing if I had raised her in a home with rules.  I believe she would have learned how to be a tremendous liar.  She would have had sex sooner, and would have gotten pregnant.  She wouldn't have the faintest idea about what it means to be open and honest.  She sure as fuck wouldn't be where she is now.  But, maybe I was just lucky and gave birth to some kind of freak child who was incapable of doing wrong.  


But I don't think so.  




My life, My Observations, My Opinions, My Brain Vomit

Who Are You?  (The facade of our online selves)
   June 17, 2016



In this time of social media, we largely live our lives through the internet.  Instead of grabbing dinner with others, we take pictures of our meals and post them to various social networking sites.  Instead of sitting face to face and discussing our values and beliefs, we post numerous memes with quotes and pictures of sunsets on them.  With so little human interaction nowadays, do we even truly know anyone anymore?

More times than not, people that I do personally know, post various memes that are complete bullshit.  I have seen alcoholics post memes/pics/quotes about being healthy.  I have seen people who haven't stepped foot in a church in years, post bible quotes.  I have seen memes about living life to your fullest potential being posted by a person who lives only for today and lives only for themselves.  People who haven't the faintest idea about what it means to be a contributing member of society posting memes about goals and accomplishments.  

How is anyone supposed to know what is honest and real anymore?  What about people like me who are considering getting into the dating scene again?  If I choose to go to an online dating site, is anything going to be real?  If people are out there posting bullshit memes on their facebook and twitter pages, what kind of enormous bullshit lies are they putting on a dating profile?!  

Better question...WHY are people making a concerted effort to portray themselves as something they aren't?  Especially on sites where people that actually know them, can see all the bullshit lies.  Do people think that the more pics/memes/quotes they post, that these things will become fact?  Does someone think that if they continue to post pics about being successful, that they will actually BECOME successful?  If a woman continuously posts memes about being fit, will she magically stop eating 4 donuts every morning and suddenly become a fitness freak?  Is this all some kind of twisted version of the Law of Attraction?  


I much prefer to admit my flaws and faults.  I prefer to be honest about who and what I am.  I post honest, funny, and often, offensive memes.  I pissed off plenty of people yesterday just for voicing my opinion about a local news story.  Big whoop.  I am not here to post shit to make people think that I am someone else.  What kind of life is that?  Going day after day pretending to be someone I’m not.  That is too much work.  And I am much too lazy for that.